i'm dateless tonight.

so, as you can read the title, loud and clear, i am indeed dateless tonight. heeee, but i am still contemplating on whether to tag along with his plan or craft my own activity with friends or maybe catching up wif some precious me time, perhaps? hmmp.

syg will be having a steamboat dinner wif some of his friends and if i do tag along, it'd be kind of heartless of me. he deserves some quality guys night out from time to time, once in awhile, right? based on his text, it seems to be all guys, so i assume it is. {but, if i find out, after the dinner, there's some girls tagging along, i'd literally turn into a memonster, hmmp.}

so, i donno, let time decides my decision later. millions of activities randomly pops up & squiggling in my mind. which one do i wanna do? hmmp. as i can foresee it as of now, i'm dateless tonight ;p

Perhaps?

sometimes, girls or should i say women haf a sense of insecurity that is beyond the wildest imagination. in fact, it can come and go depending on the environment. well, at least that is my interpretation, as for mine, i guess, it comes and less than often it will go. & as of now, it is staying and i think it will only go away if i manage to conquer it and do something about it. of which i am not sure how or maybe am i delaying it?

i am crapping and i know i am not supposed to but i have to. it somehow will literally jerk that negativity a little bit away from me this way. i guess i haf reach to a point of no return. i can definitely not turn back time nor can i rewind it.

now, i just haf to look ahead, standing straight, nose forward, and definitely make a new plan and decision up and fast.

p.s. i definitely feel very much left behind the wagon now. and it's not a good feeling :(

ni jiao shen me ming zi? :)

umi...

abah...

i am proud of my name :)

the topic on the radio this morning was about name. calling in to share my little story was impossible as i don't haf my headset plugged in nor my bluetooth turned on (btw, gave my bluetooth to syg as i hate using it sbb macam nak terjatuh je rasa + macam org tak betul je nampak cakap sorang2 :P) tak pasal-pasal je kena saman di pagi hari di kala traffic jam nanti. so i decided to write on it in this little blog of mine.

let's start with my families list of names :

Mohd Hatta

+

** Laila Kasuma

1) Kaklong : Fatimah Nurhaliza
Her Son : Fizzrul Azran

2) Bengah : Kamarul Bahrin

His Son : Kamarul Daniel Haqim

His Son : Kamarul Dariq Hazrel

3) Besham : Shamsul Nirman

His Daughter : Sarah Syazwina

4) Kak Lina : Fatimah Nurhalina

Her Daughter : Syuhada

** Me : Kasuma Nurhazwani

** Dekna : Kasuma Nurhazwana

hmmp. so, here's my little story about my name of which i concluded myself and i am happy wif the result :)

i love my name simply because when i combine my name and make it my professional and formal identity, it represents both of my parents name. like a symbol of their love. a coincidence, maybe? i don't know whether they realized it or have planned for it, but, i love it :)

Kasuma (umi's) Hatta (arwah abah's)

macam abah selalu cakap masa die ade, ni anak sapa ni? Anak Abah, anak **** Hatta. he proudly says it. and he haf this dream for me to add a little title in front of my name too. Insyaallah, one day, somehow, anyhow, i will make his dream a reality. for him to be even more proud of me. and also for my family. Insyaallah. Ya Allah, please guide me, Amin.

your proud daughter,
Kasuma Hatta.

on missing my him

i donno y, but i miss him soo much this week & cant wait for our little weekly date. despite our many arguments and whatnot when we are together, i don't care much now, as i miss him too much. hmmp.

this is our conversation via the phone after work when we reach home today :
her : syg, i miss u la.
him : ape? tak dgr. (line bengong)
her : i missssss u.
him : okey.
her : okey?
him : ha.
her : syg tak miss me keee? :(
him : i missss u hari-hari.....
her : terdiam (sbb i only happen to miss him ikut mood)

tak aci, i donno whether die pandai berkata-kata atau i yg cepat melt. hmmp. whatever it is. i am happy :)

p.s. my very first entry via htc. hee :)

flower power

sometimes, i do not know what am i waiting for anymore. but the fact that i felt crush and traumatize by the little episode of meltdowns cant hardly be erased, & which indeed is making me bleed non-stop-ly.

i am harshly blowing the negativity vibes away & i want to inhale only fresh flowery vibes scent. now. of which is very hard for me to do. hmmp.

hmmp.

just another weekend indeed:

1) babysit my mom and my little sister as both of them sedang sakit.

2) had a durian picnic with syg for lunch :)

3) the couch I've been eyeing from Ikea is sold out and i am terribly sad. hopefully they'll restock again next season?

4) can't wait for the next pay day!~

5) miss arwah abah sgt2 :'(

6) jam ticks so terribly fast and i bengang! {kan best kalau kat office time ticks this fast! huh}

a little doodle on myblog :)

1) Netherlands vs Spain

my mom watched the whole match alone while all of us soundly sleeps and we happen to terjaga right at the very minute Spain scored their winning goal and i was touched by the crying goalkeeper yang sgt happy that he somehow know that they've won :)

2) revamped groceries items

~ rice : Beras Faiza Herba Ponni Taj Mahal

~ cereal : Kellogg's Special K

~ milk : Dutch Lady Low Fat Milk

~ juice : Peel Fresh Powerberries Juice with No Sugar Added

~ cooking oil : Olive Oil or Sunflower Oil

~ chicken : skinless and sometimes boneless

~ fish : lots of em'

~ lots of steamboat's and soups!

~ vege : not that much but doing okay, i guess

~ fruits : seedless Grapes

~ gym : progressing not that well as i skipped so many weeks dy, urgh, will try my very best though!~

3) just got back from a little beach getaway with my mom, my little sister and mysyg. & it was rather fun but it's very hard to please my family though, as they hate the sun!~ urgh, so drama. my mom didn't even get the sun on her face nor the sand on her feet :P basically my mom and my little sister rest in the room, like for the whole holiday? haha. and the most important thing is, i sponsored the whole holiday expenses and syg sponsored the journey cost. Alhamdulillah. i am truly happy that we already manage to do so :)

FIFA World Cup 2010

okey, i feel like talking about the FIFA World Cup 2010 now, which is going to end anytime soon? to tell u the truth, i am like not really a big fan of bola, sbb nye, maybe because i think they are just a bunch of guys sepak-sepak bola atas padang with no point at all?

but boy, was i wrong to haf thought of that little not so true fact for all my lifeee. this was mainly due to the match that i watched and witnessed from the beginning till habiss {ini adalah sesuatu yang agak pelik, by-the-wayyy} here's my little story.

last Saturday night, me + adib + dekna + umi was at home and we were chilling in front of the teevee, after a wonderful homemade seafood dinner. we were like a little anaconda's. and then i ajak syg catch a midnight movie sbb best jugak lepas makan tgk movie. he said, jom tgk bola. my mom and my little sister okey je, i yang tanak. sbb i nak tgk movieeeeeeeeeeeee.

then, dengan terpaksa, i watched the game. it was a match between Germany & Argentina. start-start game, dah goal. well, the goal did catch my attention. very. and i somehow tiba-tiba excited nak tgk match tu, owh, btw, syg sokong Argentina. as of me, and my fam, we tak sokong mana-mana. tapi bila dah goal 1, ape lagi kitorang pun sokong Germany la :P

syg pun jadi kurang mood dah nk tgk. dah la sbb seawal minit yang ke berapa ntah dah goal. haha. the best part about watching it is that, it somehow, bind us together and we forgot about the little-little problems and weekdays trouble that we had, ditambah pula dengan 3 orang yang bole dikatakan tak berapa pandai about bola punya terms-terms. keadaan jadi sgtla kelakarrr, okeyy.

at times, we will blurt out some terms yang tak berapa sesuai dengan keadaan game, like owh, penalty, when it is not, like, off side?!! kenapa??? yang paling penting apakah itu off side? we don't even know what it really means actually, haha. syg terus explain to us, the meaning of some of the terms dengan tension sbb ia mengganggu konsentrasi die, and we all would go like owhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. disertai dengan goal lagi, goal lagi! :P

after he explains and i dah mula faham sikit-sikit dengan tactic and strategy that the Germany's haf shown, my interest becomes deeper and i was indeed sangat kagum. owhhhh, macam ni rupanya tgk bola & layan bola.

syg masa goal ke-2 dah mula bad mood and mengantuk. lagi teruk mood sbb 3 orang lawan 1 ni :P memang parah la kena kacau ngan kitorang~

and the next day, up until today, we would sheepishly smiles, terigt kat gelagat syg bila dah kalah + when the news come up saying something like this, Germany bermain dengan mantap etc etc. haha.

now, game mana pulak nak tgk? sbb dah nak habis dah all this FIFA FIFA thing ni, hope dapat tgk one more game pun jadila. in fact i yang tanya syg semalm, bile next game? nak tgk!~ heeeee.

Alive & Inlove.

sometimes the smallest little things could trigger a fire so big, u can't imagine the impact it brings to a relationship. the fact that this relationship keeps us floating and evolve us from students to employees is undeniably good with of course a little twist of bad.

we haf this go-getting attitude that sometimes would crash and burn our own self, without us even knowing it. apart from having almost a full plate of life's little treasure to dig in in front of me, i cannot run away from being a normal human being. i need to remember to breath in and breath out, of which sometimes i do tend to forget, and it left me lurking for some fresh green air to breath in.

most of the time, we are drained off our energy and that most of the time, we do need each other to remind us, that we are very well indeed still alive & inlove. but most of that time also, we tend to forget, again. this urge that makes us moves faster than a cheetah, sometimes destroy us. and at times, kill our heart slowly from deep within. it scares me. terribly scares me.

just what do we do to unsnarl the idiotism that spreads so fast, we couldn't even get to see a glimpse of it? maybe, in the true red humans eyes, it's unseen, but in the red devils eyes, it is very much warily seen.

Ya Allah, please help and guide us, in whatever we do, in whatever we wish for, in whatever we strive for, for it is, for us to live & love, together, forever. Insyaallah.

& no matter what happens, time ticks and it won't wait at all for all these fuzzy little life drama to subside. it is up to us, to heal the wound and most importantly keeps on breathing.