even though at this very moment of time, i am suppose to be on a strict diet, due to the extra kilos in which i am not supposed to carry around, i still crave for a major lot of food. i hate myself for being a bad ass in trying to control my calory consumption. the fact that i love to eat is undoubtedly the source of this extra unwanted kilos on my body. & the fact that i already realize it and that i need to curb it well and to also be extra cautious in my food intake is damn frickin' hard.
what i need to be now, is to haf the type of discipline that i used to haf before in getting to the goals that i haf targeted for myself. in terms of exercising and getting into a stringent of physical activities - i haf been visiting the gym {at least the gym card looks a bit rustic now, one proof that I've been pulling it off my purse for the entry la :P} and also the park for a little jog & run at least once every week. a little sweat & tears combo, there.
i haf been dealing wif weight issue since like forever now. once i am in very bad figure and there's also one point of time i am really comfortable to "climb up" on the digital weight scale and smile when i see the numbers. i donno, i guess it boils down to the fact that i need to be more of a "self-control" girl all the time. i mean all the time. never be satisfied with where i am because the moment i feel content wif the numbers on the scale, there goes the effort and the number may skyrocketed again to a figure i hate!
urhg, i hate the fact that i am rambling in this little blog of mine about this little topic which is supposedly out of this arena and the fact that i am typing it harshly as i hate the fact that i am not on my ideal weight. it sucks. this is proven because as i go into TBLA website and enter the figure in one corner of the website and calculate the ratio, it ticks __ {owh, i can't even write it in here} it sadden me.
which comes to another reason why now, i am carrying this extra weight, stress! everytime i get stress, i will go into food therapy besides the ever so popular retail therapy. urhhg, how the hell do i control myself? i am lost. shit. very deep shit!
and the fact that i am now, counting the rice as it goes into my mouth is really pathetic. i am trying all sorts of things to get it back. just please gif me the strength to do so, dear god. please. i hate myself looking this fat. i need to get rid of the extra kilos and be able to be happy again when i look at myself in the mirror. and the scale is definitely listed as one of my biggest enemy now.
boohoo!
p.s. i am mad at myself, who else do i blame other than myself?
No comments:
Post a Comment