Wednesday, January 12, 2011

a bloody affair.

I am close to crying each time I send her in. It’s not that I am a cry baby or what, but simply because I am overwhelmed, so overwhelmed by the situation and place that I sometimes can’t really hold back the tears.

I do wonder, why do all these happen to me, to my family? But being a human being, we can never answer a life question. It’s in the hands of God.

Most of the time, I’d pinch myself or chocked my breath just so the tears won’t spill. I succeeded few times, tapi selalunya I fail. But of course, if it did happen, it is not seen by her {i'll try my very best not to let her see it} & sometimes, i just let it happen in my heart and all everyone else can see is my smile. Is it a fake smile? No, but, it is definitely just a smile. I don’t know how I did that.

i guess, apart from tears God gave us smiles, and I think I should just go through it, strongly, no matter what. I can never let myself crumble, or else, it’d be worse.

it’s really hard to express it in simple basic words though, but all I can say is, I am darn sad.

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