back to back meeting, haihh.

syg,

i am having this back to back meeting and my phone is off my hook, so, our little weekly date will be postponed a bit ya. just in case u're reading this, though.

p.s. will call later ya :)

veeops!

okey, so, last tuesday was historical :P

called in the cleaner + the gardener, and the house is almosstt spotless, almost.

owh, and the star for the day, i decided to revamp the shoe shelf. all this while, i've been keeping and hanging on to all the old shoes, sandals, heels, wedges, etc etc due to various reasons. one of it was so that the shoe will magically turn beautiful again {means, i nak pergi hantar tempat repair kasut laaa} hihi. but, as days turn into nights, months to years, and so on, the shoe remain on the shelf untouched and they also turned almost darker than grey. kalau nak pakai pun fikir beribu-ribu kali.

and i am more than not happy to go to the shoe shelf to pick on what to wear for the day.

so, i decided to close my eyes half shut and decided to let go of all the unnecessary piles away from the shelf. & it totals up to almost 20 pairs. whoops. but, taking it positively, i can buy more shoes after this right? hieeq!

besides shoes, all the "undergrown" shirts and jeans will also be given away. i've thrown some, ripped one & grey one, of which will only creates discomforts to others when worn. but, the arranging and gathering is not done yet, as i haf like the whole house still to search for and decide on whether it is a keeper, for given away, or even to be thrown away. selling, u ask? hmmp. still under consideration as i need to find the time to snap snap to post it in here.

so, i did it, i succeeded in changing myself bit by bit from a hoarder to a better person. cuma rasa sedih sikit la. sbb, banyak memori dgn barang-barang itu.

did you know that {a little blog confession here, heee}, i punye tahap possessive to all my stuff, sampai i akan tahu even if there's a slight change in the placement of the stuff. & i definitely hate it when someone touch my stuff. my mom and my sister knew it well and sampai bole call i just to tell me that, they had touched my stuff :P

so if i do decide to sell some of it, u can be sure that it is hundred percent was taken good care of when it's in my possession :)

owh, i haven't decide on what to do with the bags, yet. hmmp.

hmmp?

so the other day, i was talking to one of my colleague in the office,

we were talking about stuffs, and she was telling me about her house and how her expenses is more than her income.

she said she got no teevee at home. she got no laptop. no car. haf to pay for a lot of things. etc. etc.

hmm, and then she said, i'm not like you". mmm. {sila sambung ayat seterusnya mengikut kefahaman anda}

in my mind, i was like, hmm? not like me? what? apa yang buat die cakap macam tu? i wonder how and what else people viewed me as. and i asyik-asyik nak emo and stress-stress jeee!~

and yet, someone else can view me like that. "Ya Allah, mungkin aku tak sedar".

mungkin betul, ayat ini, kita takkan sedar dengan apa yang kita ada, melainkan jika kita telah kehilangannya. mmm.

hmmp. i guess life has it's own explanation.

i am really blessed and grateful with what i have, it's just that, sometimes i tend to don't remember/don't realize it. and i need someone else to remind me of what i am having. i really should be more optimistic and be more bersyukur dengan apa yang i ada sekarang. Insyaallah. Alhamdullillah. Terima Kasih Ya Allah.

p.s. be more optimistic k kasuma. hmmp. there's more to life than being emotional. REMEMBER!

tuesday the ten. eeq~

currently i am :

1) waiting for the result of my proposal (damn big deal sbb dah lama sgt tgg)

2) planning for this year's and next year's jalan-jalan (kind of a big deal too because i am trying to save my own notes) & tanak cheating-cheating mintak umi. bole ke? Insyaallah :)

3) plan nak pergi Monash University open day, to check out the place. to study or perhaps starting a career?

4) nak pergi kown's event in June. teringin sgt nak jumpa budak yang bijak dan juga angkasawan negara.

5) nak makan KFC Black Pepper Crunch.

6) memikirkan what to wear to the many-many weddings invitations. (thanks for inviting us, Insyaallah sampai)

7) hmmp. nak masak ape ye malam ni?

8) bila la nak pegi bank in duit ni?

9) mengantuk.

10) tak sabar nak balik mandi peach bath.

urgh.

tadi gaduh lagi dgn umi, ah bosannya hidup dalam keadaan emo. everything seems to be awfully not right and i am indeed feeling some kind of stupid urge to go and grab more foods. not good. not good. argh, i better get started on revamping my life, my state of being emo, my everything and opt for a better kind and way of life. lebih ceria dan less self disrupting, hopefully, soon.

p.s. saya ada nama baru, manager saya panggil saya budak calar dan boyfriend saya panggil saya baby. sebab saya tercalar kan muka saya dengan kuku kot masa saya tidur dan tak sedar saya telah mencalar diri saya sehingga saya bangun dan terasa sakit semasa mandi pagi tadi. urgh. yang peliknya, baru je potong kuku! masa kuku panjang, takde masalah pun. takdela sampai tercalar balar muka. hmmp.

hmmp.

scorching into my bag, i found lots of loose notes and receipts. the things that trigger my urge to create this post is that, hmmp, i noticed that we have been spending too much notes on groceries and foods. bukan dah habis pun dalam peti ais. tapi asyik nak beli je. ish. which also explains on why i get too fat, i think. next month onward, will try to go to Tesco, Carrefour, Giant, dan seangkatan dengannya, less. supaya dapat avoid all the unnecessary expenditure. hmmp.

the house

abah,

this house u left us, seems to be a little too big for us to live in now, it feels empty and it seems there is not much laughter and giggles from the last time when u were here. i do not know on what to do or where to seek for advice to get our family back together. it seems that everyone wants to find their own path in life by leaving the house and trying to move on to a bigger picture but i still feel i am still stuck in your house trying to seek your presence and strength to move my life forward.

it feels darn gloomy and i am darn sad. i am all alone. and umi definitely need me to move her life on, and i need to find my strength to keep us alive.

just wish u are still here and if you do, i am sure our family will always stick together as one. not like now. am missing u a lot :''(

p.s. dear lovely little birds please send this little note to my daddy.

blab

syg, japg jumpa syg k? :*

c u!

eeqing for h-e-l-p

i am still up and sitting in front of this MacBook of mine plus the teevee turned on & bursting with shits. i need to finish up the proposal badly but i am darn lazy to do so. maybe because i am scared? i am scared to face the outcomes. i am scared of failurism {is there such word?} i am just too scared.

maybe because i really want it and when i didn't get it, i feel very damn peeved of myself. i multitask in between my work and manage to slot in few nice and logical new ideas, to match the requirements. but, i don't know. i am still scared to send it in, just yet.

oh, btw, the boyfriend and the little sister, each, got themselves a great news. i am happy for them. congrats to both of em'. lately it's always been about others' good news. congrats' everyone. congrats people. congrats world!. where's mine gone? buried in the sandy beach or out in the INDIANA ocean? i haf no idea.

the boyfriend

the little sister

it feels shitty and i feel like puking now.

and not to mention, i mean start mentioning on engagements', weddings', pregnancies', babies', and kids' epilogue. i am indeed darn stress. deep one. like seriously.

p.s. i better go offline, before i blurt out more shitty words.

p.s.s. please rainbow, give me some colors of love.

little nutty nut cracker

when the boss is not always right and the employee can sometimes be right?

highly unlikely, ain't it? teehee.

but,

it happen just a second ago, and i am more than thrilled to jot it down here as a self recognition and a little boost in my motivation pages :)

it's a one-to-one discussion and he asked for my opinions on one of the published article in NST. kebetulan he does not know the meaning of one word and he ask me the meaning of it. i blurt out my answer fast enough, as i've heard of the word before and i think i am pretty sure of my answer. in aww and disguise he checked for the meaning in the dictionary. {because he thinks i could not be right, boss bukan selalu macam tu ke? :P & sbb i jawab laju sgt, and maybe i just tembak je kot, he thinks la} it matches perfectly with my guess answer. and i literally jumped in my seat saying "ha, betul kan?" he was like, mmm, smiling.

i laughed my head off {dalam hati la} :P

after that, he asked for few other so called bombastic words and some metaphorical sentence and listen to my explanation carefully. i've learnt something here, which is to just say your opinion confidently, and make sure that you stand on the right ground. jangan cuba tipu-tipu and buat-buat tahu pulak. {credits to Ugly Betty shows too, sbb it teaches me a thing or two on how to work in this little corporate world, and to be confident too! sbb i punye confident level -1/10, hmmp.}

the situation does jack up my confidence up a notch.

p.s. yey! i haf outbreak some of the little timidness in me. & it feels great.

mind bog!

I'm having this pain in my ear and i am scared kalau ade ulat ke ape ke? {eee, takut} tapi if i pergi clinic to check it up, i might get a medical leave, in fact i am still entitle to have it and use it,

but,

i feel guilty to go and rest at home and tinggalkan my undone job. mmm. is this the epidemic of me becoming a workhaholic? and what if i am trap in it, & i might not have a rope to get out of it? shit. scary. tak bole jadi ni. will see how it goes later. hmmp.

p.s. besides, tak suke pergi clinic sorang-sorang. takut.

G & G

watching re-run of Gol & Gincu and teringat zaman-zaman dahulu kembali. how life was so much simple and less stress than now. it clinches my throats and i think i am indeed happy to haf such life to be remembered and dwell upon. yes, there were ups and downs. but don't they always doesn't go away? ntahlah, it will always linger on around, i guess. just haf to make the best out of what's coming, though.

i am glad i am where i am now, and belief somehow life are meant to be imperfect. but there's time i don't want to understand and feel like givin' up, but life has just to go on, right? and somehow, i do can relate to Putri's & Reza's little-little sweet gestures from G & G :)

p.s. fbee's connection is damn slow, i can't harvest, i can't feed the fish, i can't collect island profit, and i can't play pets. mmm.